


Unveiled

by Myhoniahaka



Series: Captive [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bonding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love/Hate, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, PTSD, Uzumaki Naruto Needs a Hug, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2019-12-25 12:04:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18260921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myhoniahaka/pseuds/Myhoniahaka
Summary: The ninja life is rough. It starts with terror, and ends with trauma. Then there's Sasuke, who keeps coming into Naruto's life despite everything that has happened between them.Sequel to Evanescence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. This is the sequel to Evanescence. I highly recommend reading that before reading this.
> 
> Here's a summary of what happened in Evanescence: After Pein's attack, Orochimaru has people henge into Sakura, Kakashi, and Tsunade so he could kidnap Naruto. He succeeds, and he also kidnaps Konohamaru so as to keep Naruto within his control. Long story short, Naruto get's experimented on. They escape, but then they fall of a cliff. Konohamaru dies, and Kiba finds Naruto.
> 
> This story is about Naruto's recovery from his time with Orochimaru, and it is dark.
> 
> Beta'ed by the wonderful Loveroffanfiction. Without her, this story would not exist.

The blood was everywhere.

It was dry, sticky, and gross. But Kiba ignored the feeling in favor of providing any comfort he could. Naruto was half asleep, Konohamaru still lying dead next to him. After Sasuke had left, Naruto tried to stand, but only managed half a step before collapsing. There were heavy bags under his eyes, and his cheekbones were sharp—a stark contrast to his normal chubby cheeks— he was paler than a paper, and there was hardly a place that wasn't red.

It wasn't natural.

"Come on. We need to get home." He said.

One relief, Kiba noticed, was that Naruto wasn't at all injured. Despite the pool of red sinking into his knees, there wasn't a scratch on him. If it weren't for the exhaustion, Naruto should be able to walk. It might be slow. The trek back to Konoha would take twice as long as normal. But so long as Naruto could move, there wasn't too much to worry about.

And if Naruto couldn't walk, then he and Akamaru would take turns carrying him.

But he hadn't a clue what to do with Konohamaru.

Naruto tilted his head, throat making a scratchy moan as he opened his eyes a crack. Crystal blue eyes peered up at him, confused, dazed, and tired. Akamaru nudged Naruto's shoulder with his nose, and Naruto lifted his hand until he was scratching Akamaru behind the ear.

"I'm gonna lift you up, alright?" Kiba said. Naruto turned his head to him, hand falling to his side. There was no recognition in Naruto's eyes, and Kiba wondered if he understood what was happening. "Akamaru's gonna carry you for a bit, okay?"

He wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist, pausing when Naruto released a moan of pain, but quickly realizing it was just aching limbs. Kiba had checked for injuries a million times, but found none. While aching limbs would certainly be a pain in the ass, Kiba didn't want to stay in the area longer than necessary, and he doubted Naruto would respond well to watching Konohamaru decay.

_The hell do I do with the body._

Akamaru whined as Kiba placed Naruto on his back. "Sorry boy." He said, "it's only for a little while."

He hoped it was only for a little while. Naruto may have lost weight in the days he was gone, but he was still heavy enough that neither Akamaru nor Kiba could make the trek back to Konoha without Naruto walking on his own.

* * *

They set up camp less than a mile from where he found Naruto. It was far enough from Konohamaru, but close enough that Kiba was disappointed with their progress. He'd sent a summoning dog to go ahead and request backup. Akamaru, for his part, managed to carry Naruto most of the way. But the moment he caught sight of Akamaru's trembling legs, Kiba took over, and it wasn't long before they'd both been too tired to move on.

Heavy lifting may have been part of D-ranks. But carrying logs and lifting humans were two separate things.

Naruto was awake. He had his eyes set on the ground, hands fumbling with bloodied trousers. Kiba furrowed his brows. Blood was trapped onto his skin, unnerving despite its lack of flow. The smell of iron wafted through the air, and they needed to find a river to get all that blood off. Not only so Naruto could be more comfortable, but also because Kiba couldn't stand to see how much blood Naruto had lost.

_Some of it's Konohamaru's._

The thought made him gag.

"Where's Konohamaru?" Naruto said. His eyes were rooted to the ground, and Kiba wished he could go into people's heads like the Yamanaka's so he could see what ideas were running through his mind. "Orochimaru promised he'd be here."

Kiba's eyes widened. Was that where Naruto had been? With Orochimaru? God, it was no wonder he was so dazed. Kiba hadn't met Orochimaru many times, but from the few interactions he had, he learned that Orochimaru was someone to steer away from at all costs.

To be with him for over a week… he couldn't even imagine it.

And Konohamaru died as a result.

And the worst part of it all, Naruto had forgotten Konohamaru was dead, and now Kiba either had to play along or let Naruto grieve a second time.

"He's, uh... Konohamaru is..."

What was he supposed to say? That Konohamaru would be back soon? He'd be lying in the worst way possible. But all the same, Kiba didn't know what Naruto would do if he had to relive Konohamaru's death twice.

"Is he cleaning again?"

A lump settled in his throat. No. Konohamaru was certainly not cleaning. In fact, Kiba had left his body to decay because there was no way he'd manage to get both Naruto and a corpse to Konoha.

"Yeah. Cleaning. That's what he's doing. Cleaning."

Naruto nodded, and Kiba pressed his fingers to his eyes to keep from crying. This was never supposed to happen. After the fiasco with Pein, people were celebrating Naruto. And he was meant to have basked in the praise. Kiba might have been a little jealous of it. But once he realized Naruto was gone, that jealousy had turned to panic.

The whole village had started panicking, and when Tsunade awoke from the coma, she was not happy to hear Naruto had disappeared.

"You should get some rest." Kiba said, "we've traveled quite a bit, and you look exhausted."

Naruto blinked owlishly. He tilted his head to the side, as if processing Kiba's words. It took several seconds for him to respond, and Kiba wanted to kill someone after hearing Naruto's words.

"But Konohamaru's not here."

Kiba grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Naruto's shoulders. The icy prick of nausea rose to his stomach. How long until he remembered what happened? There weren't enough lies in the world that Kiba could create to hide the truth, and until they got somewhere safer, Naruto needed to stay calm.

"Konohamaru wouldn't want you to stay awake for his sake."

Naruto jerked his head, eyes widening as he grabbed the blanket. Kiba furrowed his brows. It was such a violent reaction. So unexpected that Kiba flinched back as if under attack.

Naruto looked to the ground, eyes growing vacant before he let out a watery sob. His breath—once so slow Kiba thought he was dying—came out as a sharp rasp.

"What's wrong?" He said, inching closer until they were barely touching.  _Was_ Naruto injured? Had there been a bruise or a cut that Kiba missed. No. He checked every inch of Naruto's skin, and while there was blood caked to every crevice of his body, there wasn't an injury in sight.

So what was wrong? Naruto took to pressing his hands against his mouth, eyes clenched shut and head tilted to the ground. Tears spilled from crystal blue eyes, and Kiba frowned as he tried to find the source of Naruto's discomfort.

_He watched Konohamaru die._

But Naruto didn't remember that, did he?

Naruto's body trembled, face red and eyes puffy. His voice was a scratchy croak as he mumbled incoherent words. He'd brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. The blanket had long since fallen to the ground, and Kiba wondered if it left him cold.

It wasn't a cold night, but God only knew what Naruto felt at this moment.

Kiba glanced around the clearing. It was dark out, with only the moon and stars to give them light. The fire had dimmed into a faint glow that gave no room to see anything. And Naruto's cries sounded more like screams given how silent everything else was. It could draw attention from a traveler or a ninja, so Kiba encouraged him to be quiet. Attention, while normally something Kiba sought out, was unwanted now. For all he knew, Orochimaru was stalking the forests in search of them, and no matter how much Naruto might need to cry, now was not the time for it.

"Hey." Kiba said. He grabbed hold of Naruto's wrist, hoping it would be comforting enough. Naruto always responded well to human touch. Maybe that was what he needed now. Some contact. He couldn't have gotten much of it while with Orochimaru. So maybe now that he was safe and free, some contact could give him everything he needed to calm down.

But that wasn't what happened. Instead, Naruto jerked his hand and backhanded Kiba across the cheek. Kiba's head was whipped to the side, pain flaring across his face as warmth trickled down his cheek. Naruto had backhanded him without the care of watching where his knuckles hit, and blood seeped from his cheek to his neck.

"The hell was that for?" He said, eyes blazing. And although his chest was tight in anger, Kiba stopped seeing red when he saw Naruto curled on his side, chest rising and falling far too quickly, and breath as heavy as the downpour the night before.

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry." Kiba said.

He bit his lip, hands hovering inches above Naruto's arm. He wanted so badly to touch him. It was the normal,  _typical_ solution to all things Naruto. He liked contact. He wanted to be hugged, to be loved. But this? Now the simplest of touches came with violence, and Kiba didn't know what to do about it.

"Maybe—" he looked around for something,  _anything._ There were sticks and rocks, trees, fallen leaves, and blankets. He'd already tried the route of the blanket, and it lead to nothing. So if physical touch and a blanket wouldn't work, then what would?

Kiba jerked his head up. Earlier that morning, Naruto had found comfort in Akamaru. Now, his dog was laying on his back asleep. But if anyone could stop someone from crying, it was an animal. Kiba had held Akamaru every time he felt down, and it never failed to help ease his mind.

He pressed his hands through Akamaru's fur and shook him awake. It wouldn't take much to tell him what to do. Akamaru understood the moment he saw Naruto. And Kiba watched, mildly surprised, as Akamaru nudged the crook of Naruto's neck and whimpered softly.

The effect was instantaneous. Naruto's eyes snapped open. They were puffy and red, without the gorgeous blue Kiba had grown accustomed to. But they were more clear than before. Naruto ran his hands through Akamaru's fur, and while he still cried, there was hardly a sound that could draw more attention than the cackling fire.

"Thank god." Kiba said, plopping down onto his blanket and throwing his hands over his eyes.

He truly was not equipped to deal with this kind of thing.

He listened to the sound of Naruto shuffling and sniffling. He would offer a tissue if he had any to spare. But most had been used to clean up after Akamaru when they found themselves on a commonly hiked trail. The wind was a soft leisure Kiba had previously taken for granted. It gave him something to focus on that wasn't Naruto. And God did he need that.

"I stayed awake for him." Naruto said, so quiet Kiba barely heard. He furrowed his brows. What an odd thing to say. Had Orochimaru forced Naruto to stay awake? That would explain the severity of his exhaustion.

It would also mean Naruto endured the worst kind of torture.

But he was talking now. There weren't any tears or mumbles. Naruto was willing to talk about what happened, so Kiba would listen, and he would do what needed to be done.

"For who?" He said.

Naruto ran his hands up and down Akamaru's fur. Akamaru, for his part, did a great job of enduring the feeling of blood running across his fur. And Naruto was far more calm than before. The time spent calming down had made his eyes less puffy. The bags bruising the underside of his eyes, however, had grown darker. He really should be asleep right now, especially if he was correct in the assumption that Orochimaru forced Naruto to stay awake.

Kiba heaved a deep breath. Once again, he wanted to grab hold of Naruto's shoulder in a show of support. They had never been good friends, but they weren't enemies either. Perhaps it was Kiba that needed the human contact. A hug didn't sound half bad right now. But Naruto wouldn't give him one, and Kiba didn't want to hug Naruto if all it did was set him into a panic.

"I'm sorry this happened," Kiba said. "I can't even imagine what you went through."

Naruto didn't respond. Kiba hadn't expected him to.

"My summon will be back with help. We'll be home soon."

Naruto closed his eyes and laid down at the opposite end of him.  _It's about damn time._ It sure took Naruto long enough to finally decide to rest. God knew he needed it. Kiba would have to stay awake to keep watch. All nighters, while not a rarity, were uncommon enough that it would be hard to keep alert. But he wasn't waking Naruto up for anything less than death.

Naruto shuffled onto his side, dried blood turning from red to brown. "I don't want to see them." He said, "I don't want them to see me."

"Who?" Kiba asked.

Was Naruto afraid of someone in Konoha?

"Everyone."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by loveroffanfiction

Like everything else in Konoha, the hospital had been destroyed. There was an area where mattresses were scavenged and cleaned so there would be a place to house the injured. Residents from Wave brought supplies, so the medicine, while running low, was not gone. Naruto had been lucky enough that they still had sedatives. For fourteen days, he was left in a blissful, dreamless sleep. Tsunade-baachan ensured no one disturbed him, so for those two weeks, Naruto had not been trapped in a nightmare, whether it be living or fantasy.

"I think the door had a genjutsu around it." Naruto said. Tsunade had a hand resting against his knee, and for the past several minutes Naruto had switched between being uncomfortable with the touch and seeing it as comforting. In the end, he'd let Tsunade grasp his leg. She wanted to, and even if he didn't quite like it, he wasn't going to stop her. "At least it did until Orochimaru died. And I  _did_  look in the place the door was at. Multiple times. It wasn't there until it was."

His friends often came to check on him. Wilted flowers lay beside him, most of which weren't even in vases. Konoha was so low on supplies after Pein's attack. There was nothing left but a pile of crumbs.

Sakura had been worried sick. Orochimaru hadn't bothered to send someone to henge as Naruto, so for all she understood, Naruto was gone. Search parties ran rampant as everyone in Konoha wanted to find him.

And that was the strangest part. People  _liked_ him. More than once, random strangers had come to visit and check up on him. Those same people would have thrown a rock at his head a month ago.

"I believe you." Tsunade said, "but I didn't ask how you escaped. I asked you what he did."

He gave her facts—nothing too personal so as to not trigger a bad memory— which happened more often than he would have liked. His dreams were filled with nightmares. After waking, he remembered what happened for only a second, and it left him in a confused daze as he tried to find Konohamaru. After that second passed, Naruto forgot everything that happened in the dream.

That was how Sakura described it. Naruto couldn't remember forgetting that Konohamaru was dead.

Actually, he couldn't remember much of anything. There were knives and blood and bodies and screaming. All of it seemed to melt into his mind at once, leaving him more confused as to what happened to him than ever before.

But the door...  _that_ he remembered.

Naruto cocked his head. "What Orochimaru did?"

Tsunade nodded. "Yes."

The answer came so easily, so smoothly and without hesitation, that for a second, Naruto questioned whether they were his own words.

"He cut people open." Naruto said, "a lot of people died in there. It's sad. There was a lot of blood."

Naruto could have saved the girl who died of blood loss. She must have been in a lot of pain at the end, and he was glad she got the privilege of sedatives. It would have been so easy to save her. All he had to do was push down on the wound and recount how Tsunade and Sakura sewed skin together. Maybe he could have done it. Maybe he couldn't have. But he didn't even try. Konohamaru was too important, and if he had saved her, Konohamaru would have died.

_He did die._

And Naruto hoped he died quickly. A fall off a cliff could have resulted in death upon impact, but just the same, he could have suffered for hours as Naruto lay there asleep.

It was his fault. Everything that happened, everything that Konohamaru went through… all of it was Naruto's fault.

He should have been better.

He should have seen through the genjutsu.

He shouldn't have gone out in that goddamn storm.

Tsunade furrowed her brows. "That's not what I meant." She said, "what did he do to you?"

Naruto jerked back. His stomach flared in pain, and he laid a hand where the laceration would have been if Kyuubi hadn't healed it. He swallowed. All he remembered about his chest was horrible, terrifying pain. The feeling of loss of control and helplessness was vivid, but the memories of what happened to cause those emotions were as lost as Konohamaru's corpse.

It was definitely some sort of laceration. Kyuubi has ensured he knew that much.

Maybe he got stabbed. That seemed like something Orochimaru would do.

He shook his head. He didn't know.  _Something_ had happened to his chest. And it was horribly painful. But what it was slipped from his mind every time he tried to grasp it.

"I don't know." Naruto said, squinting his eyes, "everything's kind of a blur."

Tsunade tapped a pencil against a notebook. "A blur." She repeated, "I guess that makes sense. Memory loss isn't uncommon for situations like this."

Naruto blinked. It hadn't even occurred to him that he could suffer from memory loss. Sure, he couldn't remember much. But the feelings he had—ones of helplessness and anger and despair— were as real and remembered as anything else. He wouldn't be feeling those things if Orochimaru hadn't taken him, so he had to remember a lot of what happened to have those kinds of emotions.

It didn't make sense that he could feel helpless without remembering a time when he was helpless.

_You were helpless as a child._

He shook his head. It was been so long since he felt that, though. Becoming a shinobi had raised his confidence far beyond what he expected, and helplessness was a feeling he'd lost.

Until now.

"Why are you so calm right now?" Naruto asked. Tsunade jerked her head back, surprised, before settling back down and taking notes. It must have been something about his condition. What else would she be writing?

"What do you mean?"

"You're never calm when I get hurt. You're always worried."

Tsunade frowned. She'd been so nice lately. Even when he called her old or insulted her, she took a deep breath and never screamed. It was surprisingly better this way. He much preferred her when she wasn't yelling at him.

"This is a different kind of hurt." She said, "there's nothing physically wrong with you, and the psychologists I've talked to have instructed me not to freak out."

He tilted his head. Freak out over what? There may have been a lot of blood when they found him, but he wasn't injured. He wasn't dying. All there was was chronic fatigue and lack of sleep.

"I don't get it." He said.

Tsunade raked a hand through her hair. "Neither do I, but the brain isn't my speciality. I'll do as they say unless their methods don't work."

Naruto nodded. "I haven't really forgotten, you know? I just can't remember much right now."

Tsunade gave him a blank look. "Right." She said. "I'll keep that in mind."

* * *

He woke up with a gasp. There were no nightmares this time—it was far too early for those—the moon was still low, and the stars dim as the moon rose higher into the sky. How long had it been since he'd woken by natural means?

Too long. More often than not, it was a nightmare that startled him.

Tsunade had taken to sedating him every now and then, but she didn't want him to grow addicted to medicine and only did that if he'd been awake for far too long.

Someone shuffled their clothes near the end of the room. Naruto squinted. Tsunade didn't usually come here this early. But Sakura did every now and then. It must have been her, so he laid back down and closed his eyes. No point in staying awake when he could be off sleeping.

But the shuffling didn't stop, so he sat right back up, looked in the direction of Sakura, and said, "what are you doing?"

Silence met his question. No shuffling. No talking. Nothing.

"Well? I'm trying to sleep, you know?"

Maybe he shouldn't talk to Sakura that way. She'd been nicer than ever lately, and unlike Tsunade, she gave him ramen.

But it was nighttime. He needed to be in bed, and so did she.

"I'm sorry this happened." She said, except it wasn't her voice. No. This was far deeper, and far more familiar. "even dumbasses don't deserve it."

_Sasuke._

"Get out." Naruto said, "you're not wanted here."

More awake than ever, Naruto watched as Sasuke's shadow strode across the room. He fiddled with the bottles of pills by Naruto's nightstand, reading each label before setting them back down.

Naruto could have grabbed him. Sasuke was so close to the bed, close enough that he could have killed him with the kunai he'd stuffed under his pillow. But he chose not to, despite knowing what Sasuke had contributed to.

"There's a reason I haven't killed you." Sasuke said. "You don't have anxiety, so why are you on Xanax?"

Naruto snarled. "Who are you to decide what I need?"

Sasuke grabbed the bottle of pills and stuffed them in his pocket. "You're stronger than pills."

"That's not for you to—"

"I've killed Itachi, and might come back for a short while."

Naruto blinked. A month ago, he would have celebrated, screamed even, for the excitement of hearing those words would be overwhelming. Sasuke coming home? A goal he'd sworn to accomplish? A person whom he loved dearly?

It would have seemed like a dream. One with the fantastical happy ending he'd always believed in.

Now though, with the knowledge of what happened in Orochimaru's lab, and the fact that Sasuke had willingly taken part in it, hearing those words seemed like a nightmare.

He pushed himself to the far corner of the wall. Sasuke had pocketed his medication. As strange as it was, it didn't bother him too much. All he knew was that the meds were meant to keep him calm, but they weren't necessary because Naruto  _was_ calm and didn't need pills to help him with that.

He shouldn't need pills. He never did before.

"Maybe you should just stay away." Naruto said.

_Why steal my medicine?_

Sasuke cocked his head, eyes furrowed and lips frowning. He wasn't happy with Naruto, but who was? It was  _his_ fault Konohamaru died. And  _he_ was accountable for every horrible thing that happened.

Pein attacked to kill Naruto. The village got destroyed because of  _him._ Sasuke left because friendship was a weakness. That may not have been the only reason, but it sure as hell was one of them.

And Orochimaru kidnapped Konohamaru to keep Naruto docile. That was his fault too.

Every horrible thing that happened was  _his_ fault.

No wonder Sasuke wanted nothing to do with him.

Naruto didn't even want anything to do with  _himself._

"Stay... away?" Sasuke said, words hesitant and full of confusion. Naruto nodded. Yes. Sasuke should go back to being a missing-nin. He may have been going back on his word to Sakura. But who gave a shit about that, anyways? Sasuke didn't deserve a place in Konoha. Not after affiliating himself with a man who ripped off the fingers of children.

"It might be best if you don't come back." Naruto said, "so you get your wish of never seeing me again, and I don't have to see you. It works out for both of us."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, scowling as he stepped forward. "Like I'll ever listen to you." He said, "I do what I want, whether you like it or not."

"Yeah." Naruto said, "I noticed."

Sasuke's black eyes bore into Naruto's. He should have expected this. Sasuke  _hated_ being told what to do, and often did the opposite of what they told him. But coming back to Konoha? That was as unlikely as Konohamaru coming back to life.

Sasuke smirked, and Naruto, not knowing what else to do, slipped his hand under the pillow until he reached the kunai. He could use it if necessary. He could kill Sasuke. It would do the world a favor.

Sasuke was, after all, a mass murderer. Even to the world's standards.

He'd aligned with Orochimaru.

He'd chosen a man who experimented and killed hundreds of people.

"Maybe I'll come back early." Sasuke said.

"No."

Sasuke wasn't coming back. Naruto would make sure of that. If he had to thrust a kunai into Sasuke's chest, that was what he'd do. And if he had to use rasengan on him, he'd do that, too. Anything it took to keep Sasuke out of Konoha, Naruto would do.

He didn't deserve a place among them. Naruto was a fool to have ever thought otherwise.

Sasuke sighed. "Too bad. I'll go to the Hokage tomorrow morning and see what can be arranged."

"No!" Naruto said, clamping onto Sasuke's wrist. "You stay away from us. From Konoha. I don't want you here."

Sasuke looked at the hand holding his wrist. Naruto had left the kunai under the pillow. But what did that matter? He had rasengan, and a kunai wasn't likely to kill Sasuke.

It hadn't before, and Naruto had awful aim, anyways.

Sasuke grabbed hold of Naruto's wrist, and Naruto tightened his grip. No way was Sasuke getting the better of him again. Not now or ever again. He was ending this, once and for all, and it didn't matter how much it would hurt Sakura.

Sasuke had to go.

"When have I ever listened to you?" Sasuke said.

And yet, as he grabbed the hilt of the kunai with his free hand, he hesitated. Sasuke was his best friend. Or, he  _had_  been at least. Somewhere in a past that seemed so long ago. He was a lover of tomatoes and a friend who had been there for him until the day he wasn't.

Until the day he'd left with Orochimaru.

He clenched his eyes shut. Why did everything have to be so hard? First at Orochimaru's hideout, now with Sasuke. It should be so simple to kill him. All it took was one hit to the heart and Sasuke was dead, yet he couldn't even pull out a goddamned knife.

"You're only doing this to hurt me." Naruto said.

But wasn't that Sasuke's goal all these years? He wanted Naruto to hurt, to die, and to suffer. Sasuke had done everything he could to ensure Naruto understood there was nothing to salvage from their friendship, and it had thrust him into denial about what could and couldn't be.

He thought Sasuke could come back as if nothing happened.

He'd assumed everything would turn out fine.

But then he got captured, and now Konohamaru was dead.

Nothing was fine.

Nothing had ever  _been_  fine.

"On the contrary," Sasuke said, "I'm doing this to help you. Someday you'll see that."

Perhaps Naruto would talk to Tsunade about Sasuke's status in Konoha. She wouldn't let him back in if he requested it. But that all depended on how fast Naruto could get to her.

Right now, Tsunade was under the impression that Naruto wanted Sasuke to come back. So if Sasuke found her before Naruto, she could announce his return and it would be too late to send him back into the world of a missing-nin.

"But for now, I have a plan to make." Sasuke said, "I'll see you around."


	3. Chapter 3

They stood around his hospital bed, muttering words of incoherency and blurs. The bedsheets had stains of red and brown—a result of Naruto thrashing about until his IV came out of his arm and ripped his skin to shreds. Tsunade had gone to get more sheets, and his friends decided now was a decent time to visit.

He glared hastily at them, the hairs at the back of his neck standing. Spiders crawled up his skin as their judgmental eyes pierced his mind. He couldn't hear anything they said, but it must have been about how weak and pathetic he was.

He was a monster.

He'd let Konohamaru die.

And they knew it.

"Go away." He whispered, eyes trailing down to his lap. Tears, unbidden and painful, welled into his eyes. He clenched his eyes shut. There were bags as dark as midnight underneath them, and he considered stealing Sakura's concealer just so people would stop telling him to get some rest.

He didn't want to sleep. Not when his dreams were cloaked in blood.

He focused on listening, hoping to god he could convince them to leave. There hadn't been a time in his life where his friends presence was as unwanted as this, and if he were going to get rid of them. He needed to summon all the strength he could.

He'd always been too busy trying to get people to visit him to bother with getting  _rid_  of them.

He nodded, opening his mouth to speak louder and make his message clear, but Kiba beat him to it.

"The villagers are talking." Kiba said. Naruto curled his hands around the bedsheets, and blood slipped between his fingers. Sasuke had stolen the last of the medicine, and Tsunade had been scurrying to get her hands on more. He didn't know why he needed it until today, and his bruised and bloodied arm was a prime example of why he shouldn't have let Sasuke go.

He took a deep breath, shoving his body closer to the wall. Kiba had been fidgety, evading eye contact, and barely uttered a word.

At least Sakura  _pretended_  to like him.

"You know how rumors spread." Sakura said, picking up where Kiba left off, "it's going to be turned into something completely exaggerated. Just don't listen to any of it, okay?"

Naruto nodded. Hinata and Shikamaru has been eerily silent this whole time. All they did was stare at him—but that was all anyone did these days— and it made him want to throw needles at their faces.

"Everything's going to be okay." Hinata said, voice soft. "I know it will, because you're you."

Naruto jerked his head back, scrunching his eyes. The hell did that mean? Nothing was okay, and nothing would ever  _be_  okay. Konohamaru was dead, Naruto had let someone die, and everything he'd ever known seemed alien.

How could things ever go back to the way they were?

"Yeah." He said.

Was he supposed to pick up the pieces of himself and smile and laugh and play? Did they want him to stand on his own feet and cheer for all the people in Konoha? Did they expect him to forget everything that had happened?

No. He couldn't do that. They couldn't  _expect_ that of him.

But they did.

They wanted him to go back to his normal, cheery self.

But Konohamaru was dead.

"I'm sure everything will be fine." Naruto said.

It wasn't like someone's hands had gone burrowing through his stomach or anything, right?

"Of course." Hinata said, "you're Uzumaki Naruto. You can't let Orochimaru bring you down."

Naruto glared at her. Yes, he was Uzumaki Naruto, the man who got captured. The boy who let an innocent girl die. The person who killed Konohamaru.

It was all his fault.

"Yeah." He said, "I  _sure_  am."

The words were bitter, and Hinata gasped as a hand rose to her mouth. She stumbled backwards until Shikamaru clasped her wrist, and Naruto let his gaze travel through everyone in the room.

They hated him.

They blamed him.

And they had every right to be angry.

"I think we should leave." Shikamaru said, "Tsunade did say she wants to talk to you. Is now a good time or should I tell her to come later?"

"Later." Naruto said.

Shikamaru nodded, gesturing to the door. Kiba mumbled something Naruto didn't hear, and they were out of the room in seconds.

Naruto sighed. All he had was the flimsy tent to give him privacy, and he could hear the screaming children and chattering adults even as he slept. The shadows of passerby's gave rise to a paranoia Naruto had never felt before. So often he thought he was back in that dark lab with those scalpels and restraints.

So often did he remember how his eyes adjusted enough for him to see shadows within the darkness.

It was a nightmare.

Except he was awake.

* * *

"I hear you got angry at Hinata." Tsunade said, "want to tell me what that's all about?"

Naruto bit his cheek. Tsunade had woken him minutes before, and the disorientation of sleep was a small residue in his mind. His head throbbed it's familiar tune, pulse piercing his ears until it was a thrum against his mind. He couldn't remember getting mad at anyone. Only that there were too many people and he hated what they were saying.

"All I did was agree with her."

Tsunade sat at the edge of the bed, once again resting her hand on his leg. Naruto narrowed his eyes, jerking his leg to the side. He was not in the mood for this shit. She could touch his leg when he was awake willingly, but right now she was  _keeping_  him awake, and all he wanted was to fall back into unconsciousness.

He moved over until he was laying on his stomach, arms under the pillow and eyes closed. He wanted to go back to sleep. There was little use in being awake, and less use of talking to anyone.

Why didn't Tsunade just sedate him again?

"Sakura said it was mostly your tone of voice. You didn't say anything bad to her. You just sort of… snapped. No one could figure out why."

Naruto shrugged. "What's it matter?"

"I want to see how you're doing." She said. "We're all worried, you know?"

Naruto rolled his eyes, flipping over to face her. Was he supposed to believe that they didn't hate him for what happened? He'd gotten captured, and even though all shinobi got caught at some point, they didn't always escape with such dire consequences.

And they didn't come back so weak that they couldn't decide between sleep and wakefulness.

He was a failure as a ninja.

No. He was a failure as a  _person_.

"You keep saying that." Naruto said, "But I know what you people  _really_  think."

Tsunade blinked. "And what are we really thinking?"

Naruto clenched his eyes shut. Did she really want him to spell it out? It was so obvious how they thought of him. Why did she want him to say it when he couldn't even bare to think about it?

How could she be so awful?

"I don't know." He said.

_Liar. You know exactly what they think._

Lashes wet, Naruto wiped at his eyes, and Tsunade gave his knee a gentle squeeze. He really shouldn't have lashed out at Hinata. All she did was try to help, and Hinata had never once been rude to him. Not even when everyone in Konoha hated him.

Tsunade sighed, releasing his leg as she stood up. "There's really no reason for me to keep you here. You're healthy enough to go home. I'll need to do check ups every now and then to make sure nothing's wrong. You'll have to eat and drink a bit more. But other than that, you're good to go if you want."

Naruto nodded. This tent could be used for someone who needed it more than him, but he found that he enjoyed not having to move himself from the bed. His bones felt far too much like lead for him to pick up all his belongings and move to another tent. "Maybe one more night here." He said. He could move tomorrow, and maybe even convince Yamato-taichi to build him a room out of wood.

Besides, there were far too many people in this village. At least here, he could isolate himself under the pretense of medical issues.

"Okay." Tsunade said, "one more night."

And perhaps one night would ease into two, and two would become three, and it would continue until Naruto no longer remembered how long he'd been holed up in this tent.

But until Naruto felt ready to leave this bed, he wasn't moving.

He didn't want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took forever for me to publish. Turns out I wrote it forever ago, and for a reason I can't remember, I didn't publish it.
> 
> But it's here now, and reviews are very much welcome.


	4. Chapter 4

"You've been here too long." Tsunade said.

Naruto grunted into the pillow, raising his middle finger until he was flipping her off. She'd been in the room for the past half hour. The time was spent checking his vitals, inquiring questions of no relevance, and it left him wondering how long he had until his friends came in with those same questions.

"Leave me alone." He said, "your psychologists already interrogated me. I don't need you to do the same."

They came in the day before. There had been two of them, a man and a woman. They repeatedly asked him how he was feeling, and his answers went along the lines of "I'm fine" and "nothing's okay." Upon asking what happened while he'd been held captive, all Naruto could do was relive images of blood and death and Konohamaru and screams, all the while explaining that he couldn't make sense of any of it.

They left shortly after that. Naruto hadn't seen them since.

"The psychologists said you freaked out on them." Tsunade said. "Why do you think I had to sedate you?"

Naruto curled his fingers around his sheets—a motion he made all too often these days— and scowled. He remembered bits and pieces of her holding him down long enough to jab him with a needle. Afterwards, there was darkness, and he'd woken up exhausted, and with a headache that sent him spiraling for the curtains.

But there were straps across his wrists and ankles, and for a second, he was back in the darkness that swallowed him in the murky depths. The silence was deafening, and his body ached with black and blue and red.

Helpless.

Captive.

Forgotten.

He clenched his eyes shut. Now wasn't the time to remember. Not again, especially after he'd already relived it an hour ago.

He banged his head against the pillow, wrapping his arms around his stomach, curling onto his side and swallowing wrathful sobs.

_Don't remember. Don't remember. Don't remember._

"Naruto?"

" _Did you really believe you can escape?"_

"Shut up."

" _You have no power."_

"Make it stop."

Tears rolled down his cheeks. His hands, as clammy as they were, held tight to the sheets. Breath hitching, Naruto released a small whimper, a sound as pathetic and weak as he'd always been.

He wanted to scream.

" _Please_."

His voice was locked into that small, timid voice.

"Naruto, open your eyes."

He couldn't, not when the darkness consumed him, not when it swallowed him whole. There was too much risk in opening them. Too much darkness to see. Too much blood to watch.

Too much everything.

It was too hard.

He squeezed his eyes tighter, and a throb pierced through his head. His pulse raced through his mind, as loud as it was fast, and he banged his head against the pillow again.

A scalpel pressed into his stomach, and Naruto screamed through the gag. Fire seared through his body, a trail of warmth falling to the side. Eyes wide and frightened, Naruto pounded his head against cold metal. The ceiling was as gray as the clouds on a dreary day, and he focused on counting the cracks above him.

One.

Two

three.

Hands moved his skin until it was just a flap of fat lying against his body. Naruto's breath was heavy, vision blurry with tears. His face had long since gone red, and his chest, once relaxed with a twinge of guilt, had constricted until it was impossible to breathe.

There was a pounding clank echoing off the walls, and his head throbbed like it had never throbbed before.

He craned his head to face Orochimaru, spots lining his vision, breath more of a gag than anything else.

"Please." He said, voice raw and scratchy, " _Please_." Tears slipped between the gag and into his mouth, the taste as salty as the ocean air.

Fingers slipped into his body, prying his organs and sending him into darkness.

And someone had his wrist.

"Naruto—"

He bolted upright, chest constricted and pulse pounding through his head. He grabbed whoever had them, twisting the limb until a satisfying crack pierced his ears.

Whoever had him released his wrist.

Naruto breathed a sigh. Orochimaru was gone, dead. Naruto had stabbed him over and over and over...

There was so much blood.

But he was finally,  _finally_  gone.

He and Konohamaru could escape now. They could get home.

_Finally_.

He let himself fall back onto the bed, folding his arm over his eyes. "He's gone." He said, curling onto his side, a small smile residing on his lips. A sob ripped through his throat, terror seizing every part of his body. "He's finally gone."

Never before had he been so relieved.

Breath ragged, Naruto focused on keeping his eyes shut. He wasn't yet ready to face the world. Not when he finally killed Orochimaru.

He was safe now.

And he would never be ready.

"Naruto, look at me."

He squeezed his eyes shut, and someone breathed a soft sigh as they wrung his hands through his hair.

Just as Naruto did to Konohamaru.

He leaned into the touch, relishing in the tingly feel of someone's hands brushing through his scalp.

He never wanted it to end.

But alas, everything good eventually came to an end, and for Naruto, that end was a sting in his arm.

He snapped his eyes open fast enough to see a needle sticking out of his arm, and he jerked his arm and tossed the needle at the wall.

"What the hell is that?" He said, face red and voice rough. He rubbed his throat gently, coughed lightly, had he been screaming again? That hadn't happened since just first couple days back in Konoha.

"I had to." Tsunade said, "I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what else to do."

Naruto clenched his fists. She'd been jabbing needles into him far too much lately.

"You could start by not stabbing me with needles. Did you think about that?"

"Naruto—"

"Did you, Tsunade? Or did you just decide I need more medicine when there's nothing wrong with me."

"You don't under—"

"I understand plenty, you stupid, old hag."

But even as he said it, his mind felt more muddled than ever before, and exhaustion crept into his bones. His body swayed, and he eased himself into a laying position.

Tsunade was a blurry, blonde mess.

"Wha' 'as ut?" He said, closing his eyes.

What did she do to him?

"I'm sorry."

And before he could hear the answer, he was shrouded in darkness once again.

* * *

Tsunade was half bent over his bed, eyes screwed shut and wrist a swollen blue. Naruto squinted. Had he done that? Even though she could easily thwart any attack he made on her?

No. He couldn't have.

He  _wouldn't_  have.

She was like his grandmother.

"I'm sorry." He said.

Except he did.

He broke her wrist.

"Really...I—"

Tsunade shifted, brown eyes squinting open, and Naruto flushed. He'd have to apologize again. She couldn't have heard him first one, not if she was asleep.

"I'm—"

"It's not your fault." She said. "You need to get that through your head, got it?" Tsunade's brown eyes blazed fire. Not anger. Not happiness. Not sorrow.

Determination.

"Nothing that happened in that place is your fault.  _Nothing_. Understand?"

Naruto nodded.

He didn't understand.

But she wanted him to.

He was sitting up in bed, blankets wrapped securely over his shoulders. The weather got chilly in the early morning, and this tent barely kept the wind out.

"So tell me," she said, sitting up straight in the chair she'd brought over. "What happened to your medication?"

Naruto swallowed. Should he tell her about Sasuke? It might help ease the discomfort of knowing he could have ended him then and there.

But then she would know, and although he couldn't understand it, he didn't want that.

Sasuke was his secret.

He wanted to keep it that way.

"I didn't need it." He said.

Tsunade slammed her hand into her forehead, scrunching her eyes in frustration, and Naruto shuffled back. He didn't want to make her angry. The last time he did, she threw a chair at him and it missed him by an inch.

Orochimaru got angry too. Konohamaru lost his fingers because of Orochimaru's temper.

He shuddered. How much pain had Konohamaru been in when he died?

"My god, Naruto. Don't tell me you got rid of it?"

He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. How long was she going to keep this up? All he wanted was to stay alone in this tent. The people outside were too cheery and bright. They wanted him to smile and laugh.

They wanted him to go back to before.

But this wasn't before, this was now, and he couldn't barely lift his lips these days.

"I don't need it." He said.

"You realize I can't get anymore for at least a week, right? Wave brought that medicine in. The only reason you got it was because of  _them_ , and there's not enough left for me to give you any now."

Naruto shrugged. "I never needed it."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes. "Look at yourself, Naruto. You were screaming not even 24 hours ago, and you  _did_  sprain my wrist."

"It was an accident! I'm sorry, okay?"

Another sob ripped through his throat, but it didn't end there. The tears fell down his cheeks in rivulets. The sound was sharp and twisted, as if a knife had lodged itself in his neck. Tsunade wrapped her hands around his, and Naruto, for the third time that day, banged his head into the wall.

He clenched his eyes shut, brushing his hand over the back of his head. He should have banged it against the pillow again,

not the wall. It didn't bleed, but it brought a spike of fire through his mind.

Why didn't he just hit the pillow?

"I'm sorry." He said again, "really, I am."

Tsunade smiled sadly at him. "You don't have to be."

"But—"

"Orochimaru's dead, right?"

Naruto blinked, furrowing his brows. He couldn't remember telling her that, but nodded slowly.

Orochimaru was dead, of that, he was certain.

His blood was on Naruto's hands, after all.

_My first kill._

He didn't feel bad about it.

Not like he thought he would.

"Then he can't hurt you anymore." Tsunade said, "just please, go for a walk with me. Just five minutes.  _Nothings_ going to happen."

_You don't know that._

They would watch him, glare at him, just as they did when he was a kid. And right now it was too much. Those eyes that followed him would haunt him until he died, and in the isolation of the tent, the villagers couldn't stare.

"I'm sorry." He said.

He just couldn't leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, I love this chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

"I banned any visitors from coming to see you." Tsunade said.

Naruto's eyes twitched as he focused on keeping his breathing steady. He didn't want her to know he was awake, but he supposed that would be impossible with Tsunade. She knew everything about him, and there was no hiding anything from her.

Except Sasuke. Naruto didn't have to tell her about that.

"And Yamato's built plenty of temporary buildings for people to stay in while we rebuild. I think it's a good idea if you move there."

_Shut up._

Why did she always have to wake him?

"You know," she said, "everything the psychologist recommended has failed so far. I think I might want to start using my own methods."

Naruto sighed. It figured she'd only been so nice because someone told her to. Soon she would go back to the same chair throwing, drunken alcoholic she always was.

Honestly, he didn't know why she tried so hard.

The warmth of the blankets was ripped from his body, and Naruto folded his arms across himself, desperate for even the smallest bit of heat his body could provide. The air was far too chilly for this, but he wasn't going to satisfy Tsunade's desire by opening his eyes and screaming at her.

That took too much effort, anyways.

"Come on Naruto. This isn't healthy. I understand that you're not— that things are different. But you need to leave this tent sometime."

He clenched his eyes shut, body trembling from the cold air. He wanted his blankets back. Not only did they keep him warm, but hiding underneath them gave him a false sense of security.

God, he hadn't needed to hide under his blankets since he was a child.

_Coward._

"Give them back." Naruto mumbled, rubbing his hands against his arms in a futile attempt to scavenge any warmth. What right did she have to take away his blankets? That was something Orochimaru would do to torture him. So why, of all people, did Tsunade have to do it, too?

Except Orochimaru hadn't taken his blankets. He'd provided Naruto with a nice bed and a comfortable pillow with warm covers and allowed Konohamaru to sleep beside him.

In many ways, Orochimaru had been kind.

After all, he could have locked Naruto in a cellar and called it a day.

Tsunade heaved a deep breath. "You'll get them back when you go for a small walk."

_No._

He didn't have to do anything except lay here. His dreams may have been plagued with nightmares, but his consciousness was plagued by reality, and of the two, reality was far worse than any fantasy his unconscious mind could conjure.

Even Sasuke couldn't place a genjutsu as bad as Naruto's life.

"Jiraiya would've let me stay." He said.

And it was true. Jiraiya would have sat by and worried. He would have tried to talk to Naruto. He would have done everything in his power to get Naruto out of bed. But he wouldn't be cruel in his attempts to talk him out of this tent.

"Jiraiya was an idiot." Tsunade said, shaking his shoulder lightly. Naruto shoved her hand away. "Come on, Naruto. See the sun, breathe fresh air, and at least look at your friends."

He could smell the alcohol on her breath.

He squinted his eyes open. Alcohol was to her what women was to Jiraiya. She was still going into her office every night and getting drunk while refusing him simple sedatives to aid with his sleep. If she were allowed her addictive substance, why did she refuse him his?

_Hypocrite._

"No."

"Naruto—"

She placed her hands on his shoulder, and Naruto bolted upright, shoving her away from him. Heat rushed into his face, breath heavy as they locked eyes. Tsunade stood with her hands up in surrender, brown eyes furrowed in worry. On any other day, she would have been angry with his outburst.

But not anymore.

"I said no."

Tsunade heaved a deep breath, her hands falling to her side as she took a step back. "I'm sorry." She said, "the psychologists said not to be forceful. I'm still working on it."

"Fuck you."

He plopped back down, his chest tight as he pulled the pillow over his head.

"I'll try someone else later." Tsunade mumbled. "Get some rest."

He knew she left when silence reigned in the tent.

It left him feeling empty.

* * *

 

When he woke up that night, Orochimaru's face loomed at his bedside. Yellow eyes glowed in the darkness, a twisted smirk residing on his lips. Naruto swallowed, a scream lodged deep in his throat. Tsunade promised he wouldn't come back. But here, with those eyes impaling him into the darkness, Naruto now knew that she was wrong.

Sweat mingled on his forehead, breath as shallow as a puddle. A small whimper escaped from his mouth. It wasn't the scream that tugged deep at his throat. If it were, someone would have come running to help him.

_You're a ninja. You shouldn't need help._

But no one came, and Naruto's body could do nothing but tremble.

Naruto closed his eyes, breathing in deep as he tried to calm his racing heart. His pulse was an unsteady beat in his mind. A dream. Just a dream.

It couldn't be real. Orochimaru was dead.

Except Naruto was awake.

Another whimper, this one quieter than the last. Orochimaru's warm breath blew across Naruto's cheek, and Naruto shriveled into a ball.

He squinted his eyes open, breath growing ragged the longer he looked into those piss filled eyes. It had been a long time since he'd been this scared. Even while he lay in Orochimaru's lair, his thoughts had been too occupied with keeping Konohamaru safe for him to feel fear.

But now, with Konohamaru gone and Naruto free, there was no one to protect but himself.

He couldn't do it.

Not against Orochimaru.

Not after everything that happened.

"Did you really think you could escape?" Orochimaru said, voice as real and deep as Naruto remembered. "Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

_We had to try._

After all, Naruto had to protect Konohamaru.

Even if he failed in the end.

_Go away._

He was a ninja. He shouldn't be so afraid.

Except he was.

And this image of Orochimaru knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I just got back from a wonderful vacation, and have found myself looking forward to writing again. So, here's the next chapter


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